“You were so vulnerable, and so honest,” she whispers, closing her eyes as she remembers that moment, remembers how she snuggled into him and held his hand, how he apologized and told her he loved her, how his eyes fluttered closed and her world felt inexplicably darker. She remembers thinking how remarkable it was that she hadn’t fallen apart when Jenna and John died, but the thought of Damon dying sent her spiraling into a hole she didn’t think she could find her way out of. She remembers that she had a moment of startling clarity, when who he was was thrown in stark relief and it was everything she’d ever wanted.

(He was everything she’d ever wanted.)

She doesn’t think she’ll ever forget how empty she felt when he closed his eyes for what she thought was the last time. Her voice grows quieter, more reverent. It’s a change she only registers because his hunched shoulders start to straighten out in response. “You were so good,” she realizes, offering the words to him in barely concealed wonder. It’s a statement that would never have made sense when she first met him, and joy floods her heart. “And I just…”
“You just?” He’s breathless now, turning to face her, his eyes melting and piercing and holding her. She feels immobile, and she swallows hard several times. She studies the slope of his eyebrows, the slight stubble shadowing his chin, the flecks of light beaming in his smoldering gaze. She relishes the emotion clutching his face: the affection and the curiosity and, above all else, the hope. It’s moments like these that make her wonder what would have happened if she had met him first, if she had felt this undeniable, almost magnetic attraction towards him and been able to act on it.

(It’s moments like these that make her wish it had all happened differently.)

He waits, his eyes locked on hers. She should be worried about his neglectful driving, but all she can feel is the question hanging in the air between them. She feels a single tear slip down her cheek. “I just had to,” she says finally, as breathless as he is, holding his gaze steadily because she owes him the weight of all of it (of her). “I just had to kiss you.” [x]